I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
