Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
