he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize