Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
