he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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