i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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