I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize