I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
