i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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