im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
