you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
