he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
