I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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