I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He passed out mid-signature
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
