i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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