1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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