she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
