I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
only if we run a train.
done.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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