I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
how does that bad decision feel?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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