I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
