There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
