you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
