saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
