Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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