he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
