What a fucking waste of an outfit
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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