I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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