so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
