Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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