Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
