shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
