Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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