Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
