No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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