good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He called his prostate his "boner button".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
