whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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