I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
