I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
