I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
