I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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