we have officially lost it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
