the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
