The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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