In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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