you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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