I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
