At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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