I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
