Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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