We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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