he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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