Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
