i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
