And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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