Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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