Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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