my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
