Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
