Non-Jews are for practice
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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