My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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