When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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