Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
