I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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