You can't special order awesome
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
