Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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