Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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