Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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