i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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