I could have mohawked her pubes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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