I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
