my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
