1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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