I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
