yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
