Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
